Tuesday, September 10, 2013

For the guys: Confessions of a Female Sociopath

For all you dads out there... the ones who take the time to read the blog and comment. Information on female sociopaths is very hard to come by. When I stumbled across this press release, I thought of you guys instantly!

This is a memoir of a female sociopath. Guess what? She's a lawyer (gasp!). Here is the link:

http://www.npr.org/2013/06/19/193099258/inside-the-mind-of-a-sociopath

3 ways To Build Character In Your Child and Get Revenge On A Sociopath

Revenge may belong to God, but we can “get even” with a sociopath by doing the right thing- building character in our kids. Integrity, strength, responsibility, fairness, and honesty- all the things a sociopath hates.



When I began my battle, I was lost on what to do. How do I protect my son? How do I teach him how to be a good person, when everything I say or do is negated by a sociopath? I see this question a lot popping up in comments and forums.

While I have discussed this before, I want to outline some clear tips that I have learned. These are a combination of working with child therapists and my own research on how to be the more effective parent.

1. Teach your child not to be a victim.

    1. No one has the right to degrade them or hurt them.
    2. Silence will ensure maltreatment continues. Teach them to speak out about wrongs.
    3. Teach them that their thoughts and feelings matter. Ask for their opinion and really listen.
    4. Encourage them to develop their “inner voice” and to speak out even when they are afraid. Be a courage coach.
    5. If abuse is active, run through scenarios with them on how they can cope until the situation passes.

2. Don't be an unintentional hypocrite (this is a tough one.)

    1. If you tell your child something is wrong, make sure you don't inadvertently model that behavior (ie degrading people, denying your child's perceptions and reality, etc.)
    2. Don't use corporal punishment. Learn positive parenting techniques and alternative modes of punishment. If you want to know why, ask me in the comments section and I will be happy to explain.)
    3. Do be somewhat of an authoritative parent. The rules, once established, are ALWAYS non-negotiable. Let them provide input, but there are clear consequences for non-compliance.
    4. Follow through. This was hard for me. It breaks my heart to punish my child, especially given how miserable and depressed he is, but failure to follow through sends a message that there will be no consequences if they learn to manipulate you.

3. Give BIG rewards.
 
    1. Compliance with the rules of personal conduct carries big rewards. Even if you are like me, flat broke from the legal fight, you can still give them something. Things I use include having a party, letting my son choose one activity we can do together (and I do it, even if it means jumping on the trampoline for 30 minutes when I am tired, sweating and make up running in my eyes), a special dinner, a trip to the park, etc.
    2. Don't make it about material things, even if you CAN afford it. While toys are great, you want to teach them that the reward is about enjoying life -NOT things! 
I'm not going to tell you that any of this easy. A lot of the time, it really sucks. I have my days where I want to shout at the world, “It isn't fair! I have to parent twice as hard as everyone else!” But I do it. I keep my eye on the final goal: to raise a smart, strong, moral, and empathetic child. Nothing says “revenge” better than shattering a sociopaths dream of creating a carbon copy of themselves.
 
What tips do you have for building character in your child?

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Do Sociopaths Have a Personality Problem or Are They Bat Shit Crazy?

I have often wondered why, since Antisocial Personality Disorder isn't treatable and is so harmful, they don't classify it as a true mental illness.




The link below is a good article on why sociopaths are labeled with a personality disorder. By all means, let's enable them a little more by protecting their best interests instead of  the victims.

https://sites.google.com/site/consultingservicesinfo/mental-illness/anti-social-personality-disorder