Thursday, February 7, 2013

Advice From a Reader on Divorcing a Sociopath

I was skimming through my emails today and I wanted to share a comment from one reader. I think, in retrospect, what she says is good advice. To stay in contact with a sociopath may subject you and your child to years of abuse. I chose to stay, and I am still fighting the battle of my life. It's not a fun place to be. If you are not yet involved in the court system,  carefully consider her view:

"Once I turned off the "pity" and began holding him responsible for his actions.......he turned into a raging monster. His mask came flying off and I saw him for what he really is....empty, frightened and scary. I learned to not let a word he says into my psyche as he is a master manipulator. He knew just how to melt my heart...I kept myself trapped by believing him. The best advice I have is this: WATCH what they do...DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD they say....because their words and actions will never come together. Mine always had an excuse....don't believe it. TRUST your own instincts. Move Forward as if he doesn't exist. It's the only way. Demand No Contact....their psychic energy is powerful and overwhelming. If I had known how my divorce would play out, I would have taken my kids and run. That was advice I got from other women divorcing these types. Just run, run away as far and fast as you can. The Courts have become militant over fathers rights....they are creating the next generation of angry, controlling men and supporting those efforts. Then spend time healing yourself and your children....lots of it."


  1. I feel like everything in my head was just found in your blog. I am crumbling, and need to figure out how to get the court to listen to me about how much of an abuser my ex is. My son is just about 5, is terrified of his father, but complies because of the threats and manipulation by his father. I'm emotionally exhausted from all of the anxiety, pain, depression, etc. that occurs daily. You aren't alone. I know I'm not either, but the fear of what this person can do to me or my son almost overpowers anything good that happens in my life. I need freedom.

    1. Agree, just when you think the situation is getting better. Then you find out they caught you off guard. Here is what you can do now for yourself. Make exchanges supervised and shut down all communication except for what is expected by the court, choose a website for communication which can be monitored by the court Our Family Wizard. Accept the father has his rights but teach your child the differences between right and wrong. I suffer from depression and anxiety only because I had hoped the situation would change. The fact is it won't. Until I Accepted this only then will I empower myself to step past his never ending control over me. Your child will be okay. They have you and having their father in their life will only make them grow up to be understanding of different people and put up expectations for who they want to include or exclude from their lives. Let them decide.