Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Friends of a Sociopath: In a Country Full of Blind People, The One Eyed Man is King

A Hungry Ghost is a ceature of Chinese lore. They were once greedy and jealous humans who died under a curse. Their spirit takes the form of a being with a pinhole sized mouth, long thin necks, and huge stomachs.

They are forced to roam the earth in search of fullfillment, but are anatomically unable to attain it. Both their mouth and neck are too small to allow them to eat, yet their enormus stomachs are always begging to be fed.

A frustrating aspect of my custody fight with the sociopath is his ability to get people to stand up for him in court. Granted, they have nothing to testify to other than hearsay, but still....

My sociopath isn't brilliant. He isn't cunning in his ability to manipulate or lie. He is frequently caught. I suppose he would be what is referred to as a “low functioning sociopath”- except he isn't a drug addict or alcoholic either. Things would be so much simpler if only he were.

He has a remarkable ability to win someone over to his side using pity. Pity! Like anyone with a reasonable mind would sympathize with a nearly 60 year old man who doesn’t have a pot to pee in, who is admittedly abusive, but there you have it.

Harvey Cleckley, a preeminent expert on Psychopaths, talks about how they accomplish this feat. Their unconscious manipulation triggers a nurturing instinct, especially in women, compelling them to protect what they feel is an “emotional infant.” If you haven't yet read “The Mask of Sanity” you can do so here for free.

One woman, who we shall call SDP (for sad, desperate, and pathetic), actually had the nerve to testify that the sociopath was a GREAT father- even though she had never seen him with our son except for once (his entire life) at dinner. She further testified that I was neglectful and allowed my child to run “out of control.” She also doesn’t know me- in the three years she had been friends with the sociopath, she met me once and exchanged less than 12 words with me. Hearsay.

After the initial trial, SDP had the audacity to send me an email complementing me on how well my son behaved and then asking me for the details of my son's life. The sociopath had never been involved- and he had no clue who his doctor was, what enrichment programs he was involved in, or even what time he went to bed. Yet SDP claimed to be advocating for MY child- one she didn't even know!

SDP advocates for the sociopath. Her attachment to him is pathetic. She too, is pushing 60 and I almost feel sorry for her, watching her prance around in 4” heels and skin tight jeans, trying to impress the sociopath with her “sexiness.” She is also married to someone who the sociopath claims is his “dear friend.” As I mentioned, I don’t know these people, other than their court appearances, but here is what the sociopath has told me about THEM:

  1. SDP has a HUGE butt and really fat ankles. He doesn't know how her husband can stand to see her naked because it has to be disgusting.
  2. SDP doesn't work, her kids are losers that don't work, but she CAN cook.
  3. SDP's husband is even more pathetic. He has no friends and had no life before the sociopath took him under his wing and introduced him to the joy of riding motorcycles.

Will SDP one day see past the sociopath's fake persona? Maybe. Followers tend to be terribly blind when confronted with solid evidence of treachery. Anyway, the irony is that sociopath's don't have “friends.” They have followers, but true friendship is lost to them (If you think you have a “friend” who is a sociopath- you are wrong. You can't be friends with a sociopath).

They choose people who are physiologically vulnerable and those who will fall for their BS. Sociopaths have relationships for one reason and one reason only- to get something. Whether it is money and toys or admiration and validation, they are takers- period.

Here is a great quote I read about Hungry Ghosts- it defines the sociopath perfectly:

“...not fully alive, always empty, always hungry, always seeking fulfillment but never able to fill the enormous void inside them.”

I may be the enemy now, but at least I am no longer tasked with the responsibility for feeding the sociopath.

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