Thursday, November 1, 2012

Can Sociopaths Love Their Children: Part 2 Sociopathic Love Isn't Love

In a previous post I talked about my confusion surrounding the issue of whether or not the sociopath loves my son as he claims. Needless to say, the topic sparked a lot of interest and I am clearly not the only one who has struggled with this question. So, here we go with Part 2 on this issue!

Calling someone a Narcissistic Sociopath is Redundant
All Sociopaths are Narcissistic

I received many emails from readers on this subject. They ask, “how it is possible for sociopaths to “love” when they lack a conscious and are unable to experience empathy?” This group does not believe it is possible.

Some argue that sociopaths do love- and hurt. They advocate that having a mental condition does not make the sociopath any less human. As humans, they deserve the compassion and empathy of society.

So what is the answer? Do sociopaths love their children? After a lot of research, I am of the opinion that the answer depends entirely upon on how you define love.

A sociopath is NOT capable of loving the same way that you and I do. We ( the “normals”) experience love as a strong emotional attachment for someone else. We value the person, hold them in high regard and work towards their well being. Love is more than an emotion, it is also an action.

Parental love has a biological basis, not that much different than the drive to eat. We need to form attachments so that we have a place in which we belong- sharing a home, raising children, and emotional security. From an evolutionary standpoint, without love our species would be threatened. Humans are dependent upon parents for care and nurturing. In turn, the parent ages and becomes vulnerable later in the child's life. Give and take.

For a sociopath, “love” is not defined by these standards. Instead, it focuses solely on their need to have someone attached to them- so that they can feel good. It is not about giving and receiving in mutual partnership. It is about only taking and never giving. Love for a sociopath is all about obtaining narcissistic “supply”.

Sociopaths have two dominant needs when it comes to “loving”- attention and validation.

Attention: Sociopaths are a bottomless pit of emptiness. They crave affection. They need admiration. Without this, they have no worth or meaning.

Validation: Sociopaths need people who agree with them. If you fail to do this, you will become the enemy and watch out.

The “supply” is any person who will feed them these things. The easiest supplies are children and those with low assertiveness and low self esteem. People who are overly kind and empathetic are good choices too. The sociopath will target them.

Sociopaths will react one of two ways when it comes to their own children: they will hate them because it reduces the availability of their narcissistic “supply” (mothers devote energy to their children, which the sociopath sees as the child stealing from them) OR they will try to gain their narcissistic “supply” from their children.

The supply-seeking sociopath may be very loyal to their children and very proud of them. They will profess their love over and over. BUT they do not really love them. It is no different than the pleasure a child may get from a new toy. Children are props- the same as any other possession- AND they are easy targets.

In reality, sociopaths are not loyal to anyone but themselves. They lie and manipulate with ease. NO- they do not LOVE their children because sociopathic love isn't love. Like everything else a sociopath does, it is selfish, consuming and destructive.

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