Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Failure of Law Enforcement to Protect Victims of Sociopaths





Like many survivors of sociopaths, I believed that I was taking control of my life when I began to hold "him" accountable for his behavior. Boy was I wrong. What I learned instead was that the system doesn’t help victims. In fact, it frequently hurts them.

The problem begins with local law enforcement. Now, I live in a very small town and for the most part the officers have always struck me as being kind and friendly. Then again, I had never needed them for anything before. To say that I was dismayed by their response is an understatement.

This all began with me filing for an ex-parte order of protection against him. Everything in my order was the absolute truth. I had a psychological evaluation, pictures, and witnesses to back up the events. I was sure that my son and I would be protected. Instead, here is what happened:

1. The Sherriff’s Department took a week to serve him. During this time, the sociopath continues to drive by my house slowing down and watching me. I call dispatch and am told that there is nothing they can do since he hasn’t been served yet.

2. He is finally served with the order of protection, but they failed to confiscate his weapons. He had known they were coming and given his guns to his friend in order to prevent the sheriff's deputy from taking them.

3. The sociopath is spotted by a neighbor’s daughter sitting at the corner of my road watching my son and me. He was approximately 20 feet from my property. I call dispatch and ask them to send an officer. The deputy arrives, listens to my complaint and refuses to speak to the witness. He tells me that there is nothing he can do, as it is a public road and my ex can sit and watch me all he wants. This is not a violation of the protection order. The deputy also refuses to write an incident report, giving me a line of crap about how he will be in trouble with the district attorney if he does.

4. The sociopath stops my son and me while we are walking in the road. There are other children present. He doesn’t threaten us, he just gives my son a hug and leaves. I do not call the Sherriff’s Department, but I log the incident and report it to my attorney. She sees this as an example to the judge that I am a reasonable person, but nothing is ever done with it.

5. My order of Protection is vacated at the December custody hearing. I am told to move forward, not backwards and see what happens.

6. The sociopath continues driving by my house two to four times daily. There are witnesses. Sometimes he flips me off and sometimes he stops in the road to get a better look.

7. At a custody exchange, the sociopath blocks my vehicle in the parking spot, refusing to let me get in my car. He tells me I am his enemy and promises me war. I drive to the Sherrif’s Department and speak with a deputy. He again refuses to make an incident report and tells me that the threats are not illegal because the sociopath doesn’t say specifically what he is going to do to me.

8. I complain to my appellate attorney, who sends a letter to the Sheriff. In it, he advises them that it is not within their power to deny me an incident report and asks him to direct his deputies to do so in the future.

9. My four year old son comes home from his sociopath father’s house telling me his father said if I “do it one more time, he is going to stab me in the stomach with a pocketknife and throw me into the river“. He also said his father told him he would send a stranger to kill his aunt. I audio record the statements. Once again, I visit the Sherriff’s Department. This time, I get an incident report and the deputy speaks with a witness by phone. I also give them a log of the drive by’s, photos, and video showing my ex accelerating his vehicle past my house.

Oh, and I did one more thing: I audio taped my conversation with the deputy. Still nothing is done and I remain unprotected.

Have you ever experienced this type of frustration from local law enforcement? If so, how did you handle it?

 

 

 

 

 



19 comments:

  1. I can't even imagine. Im lucky that my crazy ex is living across the county right now.
    I feel for you, I really do. I wish there was something that could be done - unbelievably frustrating.

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    1. It is incredibly frustrating... the feeling that you can't get people to do their jobs. It is also not an uncommon problem- there are many people out there who are denied protection from predators. Is your crazy ex a sociopath?

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  2. yes, he is. Im lucky for the moment he is in another state - he will be back though, I'm sure...and the chaos will begin all over again.
    this is mine...
    http://lookingforward2012.wordpress.com/

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  3. Thanks- I will swing by and check it out. I wish you the best- sociopaths will never leave you alone for very long as long as they think they can continue to push your buttons!

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  4. X is a child sex offender who is supposed to register for life. He is not supposed to be around children including his own, unless the DOC approves it. I am unclear on what all of X' rules are with the Department of Corrections. I do know that he cannot be around children, but I have not heard if he is restricted from telephone contact as well. I fear that if he is not restricted from telephone contact, that he will call my daughter drunk and could inappropriately talk sexually to her, amongst other inappropriate things. X is a self-professed decades long major alcoholic who has faced convictions related to this, as well as admitted and convicted child sex offender, and has history of being charged with domestic violence. Yes, I believe that he can cause damage to my children over the phone.

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  5. After years of abuse of my children and me, X molested my oldest daughter's 12 year old best friend in his home. X was ordered upon his bail not to be around his daughters alone, but he violated this order. This is when 3 sheriffs went in with the restraining order and told him to give them my kids or else go back to jail. When he gave over my kids, he snuck my daughter a brand new cell phone and new cell phone minute reload card so that he could continue contact with her, despite the restraining order. He did contact her that night, and so did people he knew. I took the phone away, and got rid of it. The next morning, I received these calls on my phone. They wanted to know where she was. My father was contacted by X' wife, also demanding to know where X was. I met with and talked with the sheriff. I was told that we needed to go into hiding somewhere. I contacted services, and we did go into hiding. To my knowledge, he never faced penalties for these violations.

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  6. Throughout the restraining order, X continues to give cell phones to my daughter, if not directly, then through his wife. This is done despite this restraining order, and in disregard to my sole guardianship. It is done in such a way so that he can violate the court order. With the kind of phone he provides, there is no phone record. I have been unable to stop him from providing cell phones to my daughter. I would like this, including cell bill payment, court ordered to be stopped. Just one week ago Sunday, my daughter came home from having seen X’ wife. She reported to me at that time that she spoke with X on her phone. After talking to the prosecuting attorney this morning, I am now aware that X was in violation of his new court order and restraining order when he spoke to my daughter Sunday the 16th.

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  7. The restraining order violation causes me to feel fear that X will stop at nothing to get to my daughter. My daughter has explained to a best friend that her dad (X) did some same things to her that he did to the victim that he was convicted for sexually violating. When both of my daughters were in counseling, X sabotaged it by telling them that if they talked it would hurt him in criminal trial.
    For me, just reading words on a piece of paper written by him, hearing his voice, or seeing his face creates a feeling deep inside of me, like terror. Both of my daughters and me still suffer from nightmares. My oldest daughter’s most recent nightmare (last week) was of being kidnapped. At 14 years old she came into my room crying and said, “Mommy, it felt so real! I am so scared that it will really happen!” and climbed into my bed. I have never said anything to her of this nature, but I myself do fear that X is capable.

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  8. A Catholic Community Service professional told me that as long as X continues to have contact of any kind with my children, they will not be able to heal from their experiences with him, and counseling will not be beneficial. My children and I desperately need to be allowed to have time to heal after all that we have been through. We need to be allowed to be free from further acts of abuse of any kind by X.
    The restraining order was in place for very good reason, and it should have been taken seriously and adhered to. It is my hope that the courts finally can and will provide protection to my children by reinstating an order of protection in which X cannot contact any of my children or me. Not even through use of the internet. It is also my hope that X would face some kind of penalty fierce enough that he would learn a valuable lesson about violating people, and the laws that are supposed to protect them.



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  9. ::::::::::: You asked if others have had your frustration. I have, and could talk forever about it, but what I sent to you piece by piece is a letter that I was asked to write yesterday for the prosecuting attorney due to NPD's violation of a no contact order.

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    1. I wish you the best of luck with the criminal proceedings! It is very hard to fathom that judges in our society think that a father's relationship with a father is more important than a child's safety. The mothers often wind up "criminalized" in a system that protects a parent's rights over and above innocent children. What a crazy world we live in! I have very little faith in our justice system!
      Going into hiding is a very hard way to live, but I have to say that from my perpective... you did what needed to be done to protect your daughters. I will pray for you and your girls continued saftey and you are welcome to contact me personally wordfusion@rocketmail.com if you need someone to vent to!

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    2. Yes, that judges can force mothers to send their children to visits with their father AFTER he has been charged with child molestation, and while knowing that he has a history of molesting his own children as well, is disgusting. This is what I have been going through until recently. Now that he is convicted, he is supposed to be a registered sex offender for life, and not supposed to be around anybodys children including mine, unless the DOC approves a supervisor. The DOC is in the process of approving his mother in law to supervise now, without my consent. So, I may be forced again into sending my 3 kids to him.

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    3. I have to say that from my perspective, the answer is NO the judges do not care about the children or the mother AT ALL. The judges delivered my children into the hands of a man who had tried to run me over, and threatened me with a 45 (in front of my child). A man who had already sexually abused my younger daughter severely enough to cause damage that the doctor stated may make it impossible for her to have children. The judge had this information, yet he chose to shut it out. For the judge it was not about "best interest of the children". In my case it has always been about best interest of the father.

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    4. Thank you Heather!

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    5. Almost ALL custody cases where a fit mom loses to an abusive father are about the best interest of the father... period. See my most recent post about appeals court holds childs relationship with sociopath more important than anything. Appalling and sickening, but true.

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  10. I got nowhere with the police or the chief. The dispatcher finally gave me a # to call for our protection then about 8 months into the whole ordeal I got in contact with the shelter and the woman there told me to always call 911. They keep records. I've dealt with 3 different police areas. It's all been different. The first 8 months tho was futile. After the ex came into my father's home, where the children and I were living and took our son the chief called cps on us and threatened to bring charges on my father if I pursued charges on my ex. This was the second time he took my son. He had no parental rights at all. We were never married (ohio) But yea, I can attest to everything you're saying. The court system is ridiculous. He now has custody and his mother takes care of my son. I miss my son, he misses us. He has an older brother. Oh and the ex even tried to bring cps into the situation to have him removed from my custody! Believe it or not they told him no.

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  11. I am so sorry to hear about your situation! It is the worst thing for child to lose a mother! How old is your son?

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  12. When I got my order of protection, the local cops were a nightmare. My abuser refused to be served--even avoided going home or to work for nearly a month while he skipped around the country hiding. He works for an airline and gets free travel, so he kept flying back and forth between his various hiding spots and my house. He'd stand in my driveway and the cops would do NOTHING because he hadn't officially been served. I pleaded with them to serve him and they refused because the papers to serve were in another state where my abuser kept going to hide. The cops actually told me I was required to let the abuser in my home because this is a joint property state. In fact, it is not and I owned my home for eleven years before even meeting my abuser! The cops even yelled at me for not letting my abuser in the house when I refused. I had the court ordered protection because my abuser threw me across a room when I was pregnant and the cops did nothing. It's been a nightmare. I finally gave up on calling for help, bought an alarm system that covers every door and window, and have started to look for a new place to live. Fortunately, our marriage therapist knows what he is and the state's attorney saw his behavior in court when he was on trial for domestic battery. (He threw a fit and stormed out of the court when I was given the protection order! Then after the trial, stormed out again to harass my mother who was there with me so he could tell her it was all my fault he was arrested in the first place!) I'd like to think my honesty and the reality of the situation as well as his criminal record will help, but I don't trust the legal system to protect us.

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    1. What in the world are some of these cops thinking? NO training on domestic violence, thats for sure! My ex did the same thing about evading being served with the ex parte order of protection... it took 2 weeks. During that time, you have constant worry about when he finds out, hes going to come after you. CRAZY BROKEN SYSTEM

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